Tuesday, 29 January 2013


Recently, a friend tore my song apart.  Well, that's a bit dramatic.  He said this, "I don't like your voice. It's sounds forced and not like you. The snare is too loud, bad drum mix. Your guitars are nice though."

He's never heard me before (not my covers or anything) and this was in response to me saying, "Remember I told you I'm trying to get over my stage fright?  I've taken another big step and recorded a song I wrote and am actually sharing it! I hope you like it."  It's not like I asked him to tell me what he thought or anything.  I passed it over, hat in hand, you know?  He's not even a musician, for goodness sake!

Anyway, I didn't fall apart as I imagined I would.  I laughed.  

Yes, folks.  I laughed.  I laughed and thought, "Who asked you, you dink?"

He's entitled to his own opinion just like everyone else.  I know full well not everyone will like my music/voice/playing/haircut/lipstick/marinara sauce/whatever.  That's totally cool.  His delivery really sucked, I think.  Especially considering the way I shared the song.

Anyway, point is, something I feared would happened happened and I'm still standing.  I'm totally fine.  I still love my song and the job we did recording it.  And I am still excited about sharing more.  Although, said friend is off the mailing list.  ha!

Thursday, 24 January 2013

cover #6

By the request of a dear friend, here is Mary Gauthier's "Before You Leave"

Monday, 21 January 2013

downloadable mp3

As per your request, here is a downloadable mp3 of Walk.  Thank you!

Sunday, 20 January 2013

original #1

vocals, electric & acoustic guitars - Maria Ryan
bass, drums, backing vocals - Sean Ryan

Forgive the lack of videos of late but I've been working on this (and also working on finding the courage to post this).  Stay tuned!  More originals (and covers) to come.

*all rights belong to me

Monday, 7 January 2013


I got "fan" mail from a complete stranger today.  It felt weird & wonderful all at once!

Recording went well yesterday.  It's a whole different skill set (and I had a slight meltdown) but I can't wait to do more.  Nothing is ready yet but I will post it when it is.

Sunday, 6 January 2013

shaking hands

Today Sean and I are going into the (home) studio to lay bed tracks for some of my original material.  I've got 5 tunes ready to go.  My hands are shaking.  I'm excited and nervous.  I'm sure I'll feel better once we get going.

The good thing about recorded material is I have control over it.  No one has to hear the mistakes or the bad takes or whatever.  If it sucks, it swims with the fishes and nobody but Sean and I will know.

I'm afraid I'll sound different (ie, bad) in a recording than I do in my head.  And then I won't want to do this anymore.  And then my heart will be broken.

It's interesting to me that I have identified the root of all this fright, see it as silly/unnecessary but it still gets to me.  It's been there so long I suppose it's just foreign for me to be without it.

The fear is that I think I'm good but really I'm awful and the people who love me don't have the heart to tell me so.  We've all seen those people/bands in bars.  You're embarrassed for them.  They're awful.  I don't want to be that person.

The fear is that I'll be so proud of myself and think I'm so great and then people will tell me I'm awful.  And then all the years of labour and love I've put into my music will be for nought.  I'll crumble.  I'll throw it all away.  The rug will be pulled out from under me and my entire identity will be gone.

But I'm learning that isn't true.  First of all, I've got amazing folks around me who want to protect me.  They won't support me through this and send me out to the wolves if I'm awful.  They just won't.  And there will always be haters.  Always.  Who cares?  I HATE Nickleback but that doesn't stop them from doing what they do and being hugely popular at it, right?  Right.

I gotta tell you, writing about this in a public space is way scarier than the actual stage fright.  Yikes.