My last post was in early February. That says an awful lot about my state of mind; at least to me.
This blog seems so distant to me. I've grown and changed so much, so fast in a relatively short period of time.
I haven't "gotten over" my stage fright but I've learned how to work through it, with it, even. It's something that will be with me forever, I think, and that's ok.
I'm gigging all of the time (check out www.mariaryanmusic.com for photos, videos and present/past dates). some gigs are good, some not so good. But I'm learning to let them be what they are. I'm also learning to spend more time learning from the not so good ones with the energy I would have ordinarily spent beating myself up over them.
In June I've got an average of 2 gigs per week. I was offered 4 gigs on a single day (and was only able to accept 1). In the past, I'd vomit when a gig was offered. Now, I'm exhilarated. It's a riot. In July I'm touring MTL, Cornwall and Ottawa. Who'da thought?
Last Saturday I played the songwriter's session that I played when I first started performing again. That first time was so bad; I cried for days afterward. It was awful. Just a terrible experience. I said yes to doing it again in an attempt at redeeming myself but once the date was set I regretted it. I wouldn't have my music partner with me, for one thing, and returning to the scene of the crime started stressing me. But it was just what I needed. It went surprisingly well. I was nervous but used that as energy to do what I needed to do. I felt relieved and redeemed. Full circle.
When I started this blog my intention was to continue it as a performance blog once I got through the stage fright. But it feels like a dress that doesn't fit right anymore. Time to move on, I think. We'll see.
Next up is recording an album. Perhaps that will stress me enough that I'll blog about that!
In the meantime, come out and see me sometime. I'd love to sing you a song.